Paris Hilton Makes the News For Carrying a Book May 23, 2007
Posted by Bobby in irony, news/views, paris hilton.1 comment so far
Apparently Paris Hilton was spotted carrying a Bible yesterday. This was seen to be important enough to make the headlines on Yahoo’s homepage. I also heard several radio stations briefly relay the story.
I carry books around everywhere, but I’m not a celebrity. What am I doing wrong?
Please Shoot This Goat May 21, 2007
Posted by Bobby in college, events occuring at a local Starbucks, irony, life.add a comment
I need to stop going to the Starbucks in Isla Vista, for my own personal safety. There is an aura of premature death surrounding the place. Today I saw a girl sitting on a table outside with a Venti sized caffeinated beverage, several cans of beer, and a cigarette. She was alternating between the three, playing Survivor the home game so to speak. Odds are 3:1 that the heart, liver, and lungs will all go at once.
After leaving that ugly sight behind, a strange homeless looking man walked through the door to Starbucks right after me (i.e. I held the door open for him). Following closely behind, on a makeshift leash, was a goat. The preppy baristas were naturally terrified by this sight and proceeded to ask the man to leave. This ignited a “surprisingly” passionate debate over the man’s right to be served. I broke my previously stated English Writing Rules and placed “surprisingly” in quotes since these strange political/social debates seem to spring up everywhere now. They’re as normal as the goat.
If you’ve read some of my previous entries, pet goats are not at all uncommon in Isla Vista. Take every rule of civilized society ingrained in your mind, and reverse it. At the same time, imagine 3000 noises coming out of a stereo speaker simultaneously with lots of feedback. Now make yourself really sad by reminiscing over a tragic event, like the death of a beloved pet. Got it? Good, that’s a weekend evening in Isla Vista and I just saved you the trouble of coming up here to see it for yourself. To experience late night/early morning Isla Vista, close your eyes and spin around in circles really fast for 5 minutes, then go to sleep.
Anyway, goats. Several annoying Universal Justice For All-types eventually convinced the baristas to serve the homeless guy, who proceeded to order a doubleshot latte… for the goat. Not joking. He walked outside, sat at a table across from the girl who is going to die by age 25, and poured the drink into a little bowl. The goat started drinking it happily.
While walking by this sight, I heard the homeless man muttering obscenities to the goat. It sounded like stalker/rapist language. “ooo there there girl, drink that up. yeaahhhh do that.” “ahh thats good isn’t it. yeahhh it is.” “do you like the gift that daddy just bought you. yeahhh you do.” Apparently goats dig Starbucks.
Thank God I decided to walk a little slower to listen in, because I was still within earshot when I suddenly heard the substance indulgence girl tell the homeless man “Stop. That stuff probably isn’t very good for the goat.” Chuckle.
All in the Details February 13, 2007
Posted by Bobby in irony, life, times i decided to be serious.add a comment
Sometimes I have trouble focusing on the big picture. I think I’ve gotten better at it lately, though. Minutia usually doesn’t bother me anymore. That said, a lot of times I believe that subtleties can totally change the way we perceive many actions and events. I pay attention to tone, initation, connotations, etc… probably a lot more than I should. Some people think I have OCD.
Perfection is a good thing to strive for, in my opinion. Whether or not it’s achievable is certainly debatable, since life wouldn’t really exist if we had all the answers to all the problems. Math wouldn’t exist either. I don’t see how anyone can enjoy math, since the entire subject centers around problems. “Solve these 30 problems for homework.” No thanks.
Anyway, I think its good to attempt to get as close to perfection as we possibly can.
Sometimes seemingly trivial gestures can turn an entire day around. A smile, a conversation, a phone call, even a lame/awkward hug (you need 8 per day in order to survive) helps. People with OCD probably notice and are affected by these things more so than others.
On my walk to the Subway in Isla Vista, I spotted the pirate. He’s one of the homeless people who roam the streets, easily identifiable by his eye patch and pirate-like demeanor. He’s actually a nice guy, though. There was another guy (who is ALWAYS angry) sitting next to him with a sign asking for spare change, which said “anything helps.” I see both these guys often, but this time they’re arguing. I usually don’t like giving straight-up-cash to bums on the street, so I just walked by as usual.
After I bought my sandwich, I ended up with a few quarters and dimes in change. As I walked back out to the street, I saw that the pirate was gone and the sign-man was still there. I figured the spare change would mean more to him than it does to me, so I decided to give him the money. I started walking towards him and commited the big no-no… I made eye contact. Suddenly everything felt personal. The ragged sign, sloppy handwriting, mud-stained clothes, and K-Mart crate he used for a seat suddenly all jumped out in vivid detail. I spot a bottle of vodka behind the crate and start second-guessing my decision. I’d rather help out the pirate.
Somehow, I nodded and dropped the change in the cup simultaneously. Then I started walking away. Suddenly, a few curse words grabbed my attnetion, and I saw change rolling down the street. Looking back, I saw the homeless man flipping me off and flinging the last quarter towards a passing car. Since I take everything personally, I felt pretty bad for a few seconds. Then it hit me. I chuckled, and started walking back towards my dorm.
Maybe the small things we do don’t make a difference, after all.
